"Check-Up"

*****

Margaret: [to nurses] "You are women, desirable women... Most of you."

***

Frank: "McIntyre's refused to take his clothes off for me!"
Hawkeye: "Well, not everyone is Major Houlihan, Frank."

***

Frank: [about Klinger] "There is no room in this tent for perverts!"
Hawkeye: "Shall we all leave alphabetically?"

***

Klinger: [about the ulcer] "How did you do it? What did you think about? How did you get it?"
Trapper: "I'm fertile, that's all."
Hawkeye: "And he just didn't take any precautions."

***

Hawkeye: [tears glistening in his eyes]
"You made it bearable. I was lucky. You were honest and open, and let me lean on you."
Trapper: "No charge. And if I'm ever back this way-"
Hawkeye: "-I'll keep a light burning for you in a bedpan..."

***

Nurse: "I don't go out with married men, Colonel."
Henry: "Well, neither do I."

***

Klinger: "Could you do me a favor when you get stateside, sir? I need a black evening bra."
Hawkeye: "No man should be without one."

*****

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